resolutions (2020)
Magdalena Maczynska
Keywords: parenting, dying parent, writer’s block, anxiety
Categories: Parenting and Possibility in Impossible Times; Sick/Disabled Bodyminds during Sick/Disabling Times; As If the Pandemic Wasn’t Enough: Tales of Loss and Grief; (De)Constructing Writing
Content warning: dying parent
today i will write
today i will finally write
long beautiful coherent pages
let me just calm the panic coiling in my brain
let me just calm the dread rising in my heart
let me just calm the breath straining in my lungs
and i will write
strong insightful brilliant paragraphs
i just need to fix a sandwich for my child
i just need to fix a Zoom glitch for my child
i just need to fix the world for my child
and then i’ll write
quick astute shattering sentences
let me just make sure my frightened child knows i love her
let me just make sure my dying mother knows i love her
let me just make sure my tired body knows i love her
and i will write
wise powerful indelible words
tomorrow i will write
Bio
Magdalena Maczynska is Associate Professor of English and World Literatures at Marymount Manhattan College. Her areas of research include climate fiction, contemporary urban fiction, and teaching pedagogy. Her scholarly work has been published in Contemporary Literature, ISLE, Journal of Modern Literature, and Transformations: The Journal of Inclusive Scholarship and Pedagogy. She is the author of Gospel According to the Novelist: Religious Scripture and Contemporary Fiction (Bloomsbury, 2015), and is currently working on a series of children’s books promoting attentive affective relationships with the non-human world.