Working From Home Pre-Tenure: A Multimodal Toddler Hellscape
Natalie Szymanski
Keywords: parenting, research, tenure track, feminism
Categories: Parenting and Possibility in Impossible Times; Teaching as Carework, Teaching as Dangerous Work; Academic Pressures (or Critiques of Neoliberal Horseshit Productivity Expectations, as suggested by Amy Vidali)
What the hell was it the therapist said to do?! What were those questions, something about senses and grounding myself. Breathe, senses, breathe...
Name something I see: A living room covered in toys; how and why did we acquire this many toys?! A carpet encrusted with Goldfish crumbs. An open Google doc riddled with inserted revision suggestions.
Name something I hear: The conclusion of yet another YouTube version of The Very Hungry Caterpillar screeching from the TV. The start of a bougie mattress commercial. The whimper of a two-year-old asking for “Tatpiller again, Mama.”
Name something I can touch: Some kind of sticky substance under my wrists. What even is this, jelly? Fruit snack residue? Oh god, is this frosting from last week’s “100 days in quarantine” cupcakes?! We have to stop counting days. This “workspace” is a toddler wasteland.
I’m not sure this mental exercise is helping. . . might as well push through, though.
Name something I smell: No, no. Come on. Is he hiding in the corner? No, not the look. “Mama, Arlo is stiiiiiinky. I think it’s poop again. That booty butt needs a new diaper!”
Well, my breathing has slowed. I’m “grounded” like the therapist promised. But what is this “ground”? These magical, wonderful, beautiful creatures are all but ensuring I don’t fulfill my tenure expectations. Meticulously researched, maniacally cited articles published in peer-reviewed journals. Journals that have slowed to glacial paces anyway. Even if this gets done, it will never get through the pipeline in time for my review.
Her final question. What do I need to do next, most immediately, to take a step forward: Answer the ringing Zoom call. My co-author is waiting. Fib that my camera can’t be turned on because of Internet connectivity; there was clearly no time for a shower. Breathe. Click accept.
Take two.
Name something I hear: Her children yelling in the background about math homework. Clear frustration.
Name something I see: A black box on her end too. No camera for her either.
Name something I feel: Deep relief. Empathy. Camaraderie. True, feminist, academic scholarship in the making. My fingers moving over the keys.
Bio
Natalie Szymanski graduated from the University of Wisconsin-LaCrosse with a BA in English and a minor in Rhetoric and Composition. She completed both her MA and PhD in Rhetoric and Composition with an emphasis on the study of Writing Program Administration at Florida State University. She previously worked as the WPA at the University of Hawaii-West Oahu and joined the Buffalo State College English Department in the Spring of 2018 where she serves as the Director of the College Writing Program and Coordinator of Learning Communities.
Her current research explores a variety of issues surrounding the lived labor experiences of Writing Program Administrators. Her recent articles and chapters examine the invisible labor of WPAs across different institutional and professional contexts; the interconnected and interdependent ecological systems WPAs regularly navigate; and the nonlinear, unconventional tenure processes on GenAdmin WPAs and junior faculty in general.